Staying encouraged after facing setback after setback

Recently, I met with a friend, a former colleague whom I greatly respected and admired during our time working together. As we sat down for coffee, I noticed a weight in his demeanor. His eyes had lost their usual spark, and his shoulders were slumped. When I asked how he was doing, he forced a smile and said, "Great." But it was clear something was wrong—his facial expression and body languages expressed a sense of defeat, discouragement, and sadness.

As we continued talking, he confided that he had lost his job nine months ago and had been relentlessly applying for new positions since then. Despite sending out countless applications and attending numerous interviews, he had yet to receive a single offer. “Thanh,” he said, “I’ve applied to over 500 jobs in the last nine months. I’ve had maybe a dozen interviews, made it to the final stage three times, but never got an offer. I keep wondering if it’s because I’m over 50 and not an attractive candidate anymore. How does someone stay encouraged after facing setback after setback?"

His words weighed heavily on me. I admired him deeply when we worked together, and hearing his struggles broke my heart. I offered to keep an ear open for any opportunities that might be a good fit. As someone who has spent years studying positive psychology to help myself navigate setbacks, I felt compelled to answer his question: “How does one stay encouraged after enduring repeated setbacks?”

A quote from Epicurus, a Stoic philosopher, came to mind: “One must practice the things which produce happiness, since if that is present, we have everything, and if it is absent, we do everything in order to have it.” I asked him about his daily routine. In my experience, staying positive and playing the long game often comes down to the habits we maintain.

He admitted that, since he no longer had to go to work, his routine had become somewhat chaotic. He stayed up late watching TV, often falling asleep around 1 or 2 a.m., and would wake up to an empty house after his wife had already left for work. His mornings were spent watching more TV, and his days lacked structure or purpose.

Curious, I asked what his routine looked like when he was still employed. He explained that, because of the heavy traffic, he used to go to bed at 10 p.m. and wake up at 5 a.m. He would drink a big glass of water that he’d set aside the night before, get dressed for the gym, and head out to run or lift weights. After his workout, he’d shower, grab a protein shake and a banana, and be out the door by 6:15 a.m. for his 45-minute commute, during which he would listen to motivational audiobooks or personal growth podcasts to keep his mind sharp for the day ahead.

Listening to him gave me a clue. Perhaps if he could bring back some of that structure, particularly his morning and bedtime routines, it might lift his spirits and give him a sense of purpose again.

Here’s why routines are so important:

1. Consistent Sleep: A regular sleep schedule helps regulate your circadian rhythm, making it easier to fall asleep and ensuring more restful sleep. This, in turn, reduces stress, enhances memory, improves mood, and sharpens cognitive function. When you're well-rested, you're more energetic and productive, leading to a greater sense of accomplishment and overall happiness.
2. Hydration: Even mild dehydration can lead to fatigue, irritability, and difficulty concentrating. After hours of sleep, our bodies naturally lose fluids, leaving us mildly dehydrated when we wake up. Drinking a glass of water first thing in the morning can rehydrate your body, boost your energy levels, and improve brain function, reducing feelings of fatigue and increasing alertness.
3. Exercise: Physical activity releases endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin, neurotransmitters that elevate your mood and create feelings of happiness. Exercise also reduces cortisol, the stress hormone, and helps relieve anxiety. Morning exercise, in particular, can lower the naturally elevated cortisol levels that occur after waking, setting a calmer tone for the day ahead. Plus, increased blood flow to the brain enhances cognitive function, memory, and focus, contributing to a more positive mindset.
4. Mindset: Our thinking operates in two areas: the subconscious (Area 1) and the conscious mind (Area 2). The subconscious mind is responsible for automatic reactions, such as sensing danger or friendliness, while the conscious mind handles complex thoughts and decision-making. The first thing we feed our subconscious mind in the morning can influence our emotions for the entire day without us realizing it. My friend used to listen to motivational podcasts on his commute, which primed his mind for success. But after losing his job, his first input in the morning became television—a source that often amplifies negativity. This shift in morning consumption could subtly contribute to feelings of hopelessness and sadness throughout the day.

When we face prolonged setbacks, it's easy to fall into negative habits that worsen our mood over time. That’s why it’s crucial to have a game plan—a strategy that includes discipline and routine—to stay positive and at our best in the long run. After all, when we feel positive and happy, we have the energy and mindset to take that next step forward.

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” – Aristotle